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tgraph
04-08-2016, 11:55 AM
https://soundcloud.com/tgraph/trialnerror

any feedback is welcome... unless it's really bad... I can't take that :D

karbomusic
04-08-2016, 11:58 AM
That needs a Dark Side of The Moon style Roger Waters melody. :)

Technically, sounds good but seems to be lacking low end and probably a little heavy on the verb.

tgraph
04-08-2016, 12:19 PM
That needs a Dark Side of The Moon style Roger Waters melody. :)

Technically, sounds good but seems to be lacking low end and probably a little heavy on the verb.

I struggle with the lows.. I think it's because bass is my primary instrument, and either I hear it louder than it is, or I worry I've pushed it up too far to the front.. In either case, it usually ends up too quiet. But probably the other instruments could use more low end too. I know I pushed the verb hard, but it sounds cool :D

msore
04-08-2016, 01:42 PM
That needs a Dark Side of The Moon style Roger Waters melody. :)

Technically, sounds good but seems to be lacking low end and probably a little heavy on the verb.

I don't hear a melody. Needs one. A small set of chord changes does not a melody make. This seems like a framework for a song, but not a song. Just my opinion.

karbomusic
04-08-2016, 01:47 PM
I heard several melodies in my head the minute it played.

msore
04-08-2016, 01:55 PM
I heard several melodies in my head the minute it played.

right. framework. I 'heard' melodies too. But they were nowhere to be found in those chord changes.

sammydix
04-08-2016, 02:07 PM
Definite Floyd vibe. I agree with the low end that Karbo brought up, but for me, it wasn't simply the bass guitar as much as the lows needed on the whole. Gave it a rather 'empty' feel as opposed to a full one.

tgraph
04-09-2016, 06:04 AM
I don't hear a melody. Needs one. A small set of chord changes does not a melody make. This seems like a framework for a song, but not a song. Just my opinion.

yes. I haven't been able to write the verses and left space for them. The 'lead' guitar part is 1/2 assed at best, as it's also something I struggle with. I came up playing bass and melody wasn't my thing. Hence the title of the thread referring to it being something that's unfinished and not a song.

tgraph
04-09-2016, 06:09 AM
Definite Floyd vibe. I agree with the low end that Karbo brought up, but for me, it wasn't simply the bass guitar as much as the lows needed on the whole. Gave it a rather 'empty' feel as opposed to a full one.

working on it.. thanks to everyone for the input

an attempt to bring in some more low end: https://soundcloud.com/tgraph/winter-comes

mschuster
04-09-2016, 08:26 AM
yea, this must be PINK FLOYD day on the forum...lol. i just listened to another song that had a pinch of Floyd. Good to see this influence alive and well.

first thoughts.. backing off on a lot of the verbs (guitar theme) and efx on the vox would help provide some needed clarity. Speaking of Floyd, they were masters at adding "airy-ness" via efx, but then provide clarity through minimal use of said efx/verb when needed. a nice balance. i think that "give and take" process helped David Gilmour's guitar solos sound so epic (e.g. Comfortably Numb).

the building blocks are definitely there! i enjoyed this. try going back and creating a distinctive melody for the vocals - while reducing a lot of the effects to get a clean, clear vocal. i think a lot would fall together after doing that. i guess that's where i'd start..

btw - at first i thought that solo at the very beginning was a sax, but appears to be a geetar. a wailing sax with some delay, air - would be interesting there... if you're like me and wouldn't know a sax player if they ran into you, try this -> http://www.vst4free.com/free_vst.php?id=187. you can track the melody with your guitar - then push it through REATUNE and set the plug to output MIDI to this VSTI. No where close to the real thing - but i got surprisingly good results lately.

good luck!

tgraph
04-09-2016, 09:09 AM
yea, this must be PINK FLOYD day on the forum...lol. i just listened to another song that had a pinch of Floyd. Good to see this influence alive and well.

first thoughts.. backing off on a lot of the verbs (guitar theme) and efx on the vox would help provide some needed clarity. Speaking of Floyd, they were masters at adding "airy-ness" via efx, but then provide clarity through minimal use of said efx/verb when needed. a nice balance. i think that "give and take" process helped David Gilmour's guitar solos sound so epic (e.g. Comfortably Numb).

the building blocks are definitely there! i enjoyed this. try going back and creating a distinctive melody for the vocals - while reducing a lot of the effects to get a clean, clear vocal. i think a lot would fall together after doing that. i guess that's where i'd start..

btw - at first i thought that solo at the very beginning was a sax, but appears to be a geetar. a wailing sax with some delay, air - would be interesting there... if you're like me and wouldn't know a sax player if they ran into you, try this -> http://www.vst4free.com/free_vst.php?id=187. you can track the melody with your guitar - then push it through REATUNE and set the plug to output MIDI to this VSTI. No where close to the real thing - but i got surprisingly good results lately.

good luck!

lots of work still to do.. lots. I'm not proud of my singing voice... and only sing when I need to. But if I were to have full lyrics and wanted to do it, I sound OK after some practice. That's one reason I load efx onto those tracks. I'm working on lyrics for the verses but it's like pulling teeth. And then a melody. so.. maybe 1/2 halfway there.

Nizhny Tagil
04-09-2016, 10:04 AM
lots of work still to do.. lots. I'm not proud of my singing voice... and only sing when I need to. But if I were to have full lyrics and wanted to do it, I sound OK after some practice. That's one reason I load efx onto those tracks. I'm working on lyrics for the verses but it's like pulling teeth. And then a melody. so.. maybe 1/2 halfway there.

tgraph, I remember liking that album you've released some time ago.
I thought the voice fit pretty much perfectly in there, buried and effected as it was.

On this one I think that heavily chorus-ed guitar riff masks the vocals way too much. It's a little distracting.
And I would have put some more soloing, would have gone Gilmour all the way.
In short, production-wise everything sounds pretty good to me but some parts could benefit from some re-arranging.

tgraph
04-09-2016, 12:16 PM
tgraph, I remember liking that album you've released some time ago.
I thought the voice fit pretty much perfectly in there, buried and effected as it was.

On this one I think that heavily chorus-ed guitar riff masks the vocals way too much. It's a little distracting.
And I would have put some more soloing, would have gone Gilmour all the way.
In short, production-wise everything sounds pretty good to me but some parts could benefit from some re-arranging.

I left room for verses to sing, that aren't written yet... So there's some blank spots I'm trying to fill. Once the lyrics get hammered out.. the arranging can continue and the mix sorted out more clearly... Thanks for the comments.