there are actually several issues for me listening to your voice-over (no bitching intended):
- huge 300-500 Hz bump in your voice. The small room's resonance frequencies are very prominent. You should definitely work on room treatment to remove those resonances.
- a lot of noise/hiss
- speech intelligibility suffers from bad eq and bad room
- not enough compression on the voice to make it cut through and "dominate" the music bed. Lots of syllables are getting buried.
- from the "performance" point of view you should try to articulate more (making faces while speaking), add more (cooler) variations to the speech melody and generally do more "voice acting". A narrator is always an actor!
Here's a quick attempt to remedy some of the sonic issues:
https://www.audioworld.de/data/Voice-over%20Fabian.mp3
Hope this helps getting better
.