maudlin, sensitive, sappy and romantic

[Garrick]

Originally Posted by hamish

I don't know, doesn't sound sappy to me, sounds more like brilliance Garrick. Up there with flickervetigo.

Thank you Hamish!, high praise

It's more happy sappy.

here she be
https://soundcloud.com/garrick-north...be-afraid-demo

[flickervetigo]

my final entry in the maudlinity sweepstakes goes like this....

.

.
you been round the world a couple times
but you just dont talk like you'd go around again
you've seen those hong kong lights
happy nipper neon nights
and the country boy is wearin kinda thin

.
honkytonks hit parades fancy ladies by the score
seems like it's gettin dumber every day
but it aint many years til the glamor's gone
and they never really fooled you anyway

.
and it's been maryjane in the mornin
drunk in the afternoon
rotgut food that a man cant choke down
you know it'll kill you soon
if it dont get you straightened out
and i guess you're all done travelin round

.
you left a part of yourself
every place you've ever been
after while you gotta save someplace for you
it's time for good old friends
and a woman that you love
a humble life that's filled iwth humble news

.
and it's been maryjane in the mornin... etc etc

[msore]

Originally Posted by Garrick

This is not maudlin my muso friends but it be sappy....

Those lyrics, GN, are nicely sappy. One thing that saves it is the vagueness, which allows for everyone listening to key in with their own experience.

I think that in songwriting, details are tricky. Sometimes you need details to give color and reality, but sometimes putting in the wrong details or the wrong level of detail can make it sound silly. General is more romantic.

[Garrick]

Originally Posted by msore

Those lyrics, GN, are nicely sappy. One thing that saves it is the vagueness, which allows for everyone listening to key in with their own experience.

I think that in songwriting, details are tricky. Sometimes you need details to give color and reality, but sometimes putting in the wrong details or the wrong level of detail can make it sound silly. General is more romantic.

Thanks for that feedback msore and I think you're spot on, I need to find the right level of detail for the listener to really hook in, as highlighted in flicker's lyrics, full of detail. I'll try to get rid of the word "it" when I get around to doing a rewrite.

@flickerV very cool lyrics, I learnt a lot comparing your lyrics with mine. it shows where I can grow as a writer. cheers

[flickervetigo]

Originally Posted by Garrick

...detail...

the guys at the LA songwriters showcase kept yapping about "pictures"... details that the listener could see and occupy... but that was before MTV, the internet and youtube

I wonder if that visual aspect is as important now when lots of people are getting the pictures from youtube...

don't know...

[Garrick]

Originally Posted by flickervetigo

the guys at the LA songwriters showcase kept yapping about "pictures"... details that the listener could see and occupy... but that was before MTV, the internet and youtube

I wonder if that visual aspect is as important now when lots of people are getting the pictures from youtube...

don't know...

I think it still applies, and I'd like to think that the long playing album isn't dead.

My teenage step son's still quote lyrics to each other so all is not lost

I suspect there's some kinda resistance when writing details in lyrics for fear that it gets pinned down and found out that I haven't much to say. lol

I could try writing a laundry list of the five senses, that could help but I feel that could blunt somehow following instinct, I suppose it's a balance

[flickervetigo]

Originally Posted by Garrick

I think it still applies...

yes, if you're writing a real song... but then there's "gangnam style" (over two billion hits on youtube... no pictures at all except for the video) and "bad romance", which I listened to for hours at a time, trying to figure it out, but I cant remember a single line except something about "I want your disease"...

but I dididnt start paying attention to the words until I started trying to write--up until then, music was strictly a goosebump thing, and it didn't matter if it was Beethoven or the kingstong trio-- and I didn't start trying to write until I was around 30, and then only because this dismal little girl I loved asked why id didn't write my own songs...

she introduced me to the eagles... I'd never heard of them

"I like the way your sparkling earrings lay...

against your skin so brown"

[hamish]

Originally Posted by Garrick

here she be
https://soundcloud.com/garrick-north...be-afraid-demo

Very nice. The tune is as good as I was hoping. I know what msore is saying about the vagueness.

What really got me in is those first two lines:

THERE WERE SHARKS IN THE DARK
I FORGOT WHERE I LEFT THE GUN

Brilliant image. I guess to develop that in 'detail' is exponentially more difficult.

[Jorgen]

That's beautiful, Garrick. You almost make me cry.

[Garrick]

Originally Posted by hamish

Very nice. The tune is as good as I was hoping. I know what msore is saying about the vagueness.

What really got me in is those first two lines:

THERE WERE SHARKS IN THE DARK
I FORGOT WHERE I LEFT THE GUN

Brilliant image. I guess to develop that in 'detail' is exponentially more difficult.

Thanks man I don't know where those line came from, my fav line is "praise jesus im all yours" I put it in there having a laugh after a few beers. Funny how my favorite lines start out as a joke.

I got a lot from msore's feedback, I'm starting to think that it doesn't really matter where you take a lyric but more importantly that you actually do take it somewhere.

Originally Posted by Jorgen

That's beautiful, Garrick. You almost make me cry.

Thank you my friend, I seem to have some fixation on making people cry

[msore]

This morning's love poem. A song? Not yet.

=>

She goes and an hour dies
she returns with her callous ocean
she stays and shares her lotion
she lingers and the day flowers
more lingering and dusk opens.

What am I to do or utter
too many standards unaware
of how restrictive and severe
their fingers are on the throat
while her temptation hovers.

In ages mine and others
whose color and vibrato violate
languages were eradicated
for reasons ungrammatical they
affected our mortalities.

All the tropes of angelic
the motions of her on my chest
the stroke of night's apex
the heaviness of talk of god
she explains with golden hex.

I know all the time is less
waxing more waning than her tide
green I wave at her receding
driftwood not yet dry I am caught
in the sun of her coming back.

[flickervetigo]

there seems to be an attempt lately to disguise our basic maudlinity with aggression, violence and feigned craziness...

I started laughing when she sharted beating up on his car with a nine iron

didn't quit laughing until the song was way over... the matriarchy's revenge for a thousand years of supposed oppression

.

taylor swift, "blank space"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-ORhEE9VVg

ten million hits in a daky an a half

[morgon]

"Was your confessor
In a leap of faith
But it never played out right
Good enough for a second take..."

About some dude overblowing his feelings on a first date with his dream girl, it puts her off but hes genuine and not mental, she gives him a second chance and it works out great, and they live happily ever after. Its not about some dude cheating etc... Just wanted to make that clear *




*whatever

[flickervetigo]

gratuitous violence, motorcycle and special visual effects in a song that's got me crying in my beer over my incurable hillbilly-ness

how's that for maudlin?

.

Calvin Harris - Outside ft. Ellie Goulding
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J9NQFACZYEU

.

[Garrick]

Crying in the beer sealed the deal certified steaming maudlin supreme

[flickervetigo]

Originally Posted by Garrick

...maudlin supreme

you must have meant "maudlin supremO"

.
yep, unending resources of maudlinity here, and when I run out of that, I get preachy... such a deal

.
meanwhile, I don't think ellie goulding's vocal is gonna save that "outside" song .. the rest of it sounds too sequenced and quantized and repetitive

when the "band" quits for a few seconds at 2:40... oh my...

don't think she can carry the song, though... not with the relentless repetitive bullshit behind her

.

[flickervetigo]

it's a quarter to one in the morning

they're out there trying to scrape the ice off the street

noisy

how do you scrape the noise off your life?

[Garrick]

Originally Posted by flickervetigo

how do you scrape the noise off your life?

Ahh the same question has been on my mind, also thinking of aesop, that clever bastard probably had some good advice which I ignored. The Tortoise and the hare. I swear this year he'll win something like a booker or pulitzer.

in answer to your question, slow dooooown

[flickervetigo]

Originally Posted by Garrick

...slow dooooown

slowing down is part of growing up, then it becomes part of dying

old people get in a hurry because they figure they don't have much time left, but they're slowed down because their systems are deteriorating

you can kinda compensate by ignoring the noise

.
seems to be mostly noise, all of it

[Jorgen]

I've been set free and I've been bound
To the memories of yesterday's clouds
I've been set free and I've been bound

And now I'm set free
I'm set free
I'm set free to find a new illusion

I've been blinded but
Now I can see
What in the world has happened to me
The prince of stories who walk right by me

And now I'm set free
I'm set free
I'm set free to find a new illusion

I've been set free and I've been bound
Let me tell you people
What I found
I saw my head laughing
Rolling on the ground

And now I'm set free
I'm set free
I'm set free to find a new illusion
Songwriters: LOU REED
I'm Set Free lyrics © Spirit One

[msore]

Originally Posted by flickervetigo

it's a quarter to one in the morning

they're out there trying to scrape the ice off the street

noisy

how do you scrape the noise off your life?

Selectivity.

Not slowing down per se, by itself. But making choices to get rid of inputs that are mostly noisy (tv, video games, phones, cars, shopping, etc).

Then when it comes to good things (music, art, poetry, love, family, travel, gourmet experiences, etc) you selectively SPEED UP and enjoy those experiences, unsoiled by all the other noisy aspects of modernity.

[Garrick]

Originally Posted by flickervetigo

slowing down is part of growing up, then it becomes part of dying

old people get in a hurry because they figure they don't have much time left, but they're slowed down because their systems are deteriorating

you can kinda compensate by ignoring the noise

.
seems to be mostly noise, all of it

Sorry, slow down is really this week's lesson for myself as in focus on one thing instead of ten. Probably doesn't apply to what you're talking about

[flickervetigo]

whatever it is that governs compels me to slow myself down

the governor doesn't seem to trust the system and "success" would be evidence of a character flaw

.

my mother, exasperated, says, "you have will, steve!"

my will seems pretty puny

[flickervetigo]

the boss don't like these dizzy heights
and we're busted in the blinding lights
of closing time

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-0lV5qs1Qw

[Garrick]

So anyway, these details, where do i find them and do they hurt?

[flickervetigo]

Originally Posted by Garrick

So anyway, these details, where do i find them and do they hurt?

the details are everywhere, aren't they? ...anything maudlin, anything to do with sex, you can make a song out of it...

if you can combine maudlin with sex, you got a hit

idit: these days, if you intend to make a video of the song, it helps to throw in a motorcycles, a female bellybutton or two, a fast car... and violence

and you got to use a mini-helicopter to tape it

[Garrick]

Ha ha, thought that would be the answer but i wasn't expecting it so soon

Maudlin and sex, I'm not sure captain, can it be done?

S pose there's scope, over familiarity, performance of Mr John Thomas, shared bed, kinky secrets....

Ok, sure, it can be done

[flickervetigo]

"sticky secrets", huh?

that sounds promising


oh my... did I read that wrong or did yu edit "sticky secrets" to "kinky secrets"?

[Garrick]

Duh !
Of course!
Giving me head on an unmade bed.

L Cohen career is built on maudlin and sex

[Garrick]

Originally Posted by flickervetigo

"sticky secrets", huh?

that sounds promising


oh my... did I read that wrong or did yu edit "sticky secrets" to "kinky secrets"?

No it was kinky from the start.,lol

Actually not a bad line Garrick

Apart from the lol bit

[flickervetigo]

here's one of my all-time favorite videos...

sisters of mercy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oBFQg7P5YKw

.
it's that expression on Julie chritisie's face in the last few frames

[Garrick]

That Julie Christie ? Far out

I always imagine Leonard cohen's women to look like characters out of Lawrence Durrell's alexandrian quartet, I've only read justine.
My fav song is famous blue rain coat

[Garrick]

So "sticky secrets", what's the status on that ?

I dressed in uniform but you never break the law

That's all i got

[Garrick]

Going down the road to get some beers, be right back

[flickervetigo]

I'd never heard of cohen, bought that album with "sisters of mercy" on it at a yard sale for a quarter of something like tht..

but "sisters fo mercy" was one of the songs that convinced me to learn to play bar chords after i found a cohen song book

.

but listen to "closing time" again and cout the pictures ...that's become my favorite cohen song...

somehow I burnt out on "Suzanne"...

but that video of "sisters of mercy" is so American... it seems to capture exactly what we think we were

[Garrick]

I think Cohen is a bit burnt out by Suzanne. More burnt out by hallelujah which had been bastardised to all fucking buggery on x factor

[flickervetigo]

just listened to "famous blue raincoat"... first time I listened all the way through... the video I listened to was seven minutes lng, and by the time the song ended at five minutes, I was dreading another two minutes

about the "sticky secrets"... I cant read very well anymore... I put "sticky" in there, I guess, because tht's wht I expected...

...not having experienced much kinky sex, but sex is always sticky, one way or another

[Garrick]

Well sisters of mercy and the video channeled some sense of a mythical America.
I don't know why famous blue raincoat did it for me, suppose o don't need to know

[flickervetigo]

Originally Posted by Garrick

...suppose o don't need to know

yeah, that's why I get aggravated with myself for participating in threads like this

I'd be better off, we'd all be better off, if we spent the time writing and less time yapping about other people's songs

"famous blue raincoat" and "hallelujah" must be good songs... if you can listen to them and learn, good, but once you understand the basic idea of songwriting, you don't need to talk about it

if an idea is hot enough to keep you going ong enough to finish the song, good

if you run out of steam and cant make it work, forget it

...keeping in mind that sometimes songs have minds of their own, and if they veer off is some unexpected direction, that might be okay

[Garrick]

Originally Posted by flickervetigo

about the "sticky secrets"... I cant read very well anymore... I put "sticky" in there, I guess, because tht's wht I expected...

...not having experienced much kinky sex, but sex is always sticky, one way or another

I'm not sure what the normal quota for kinky sex to know whether i have had a lot or not much but i do know when i try to write lyrics it never crops up.

Sex is in cohen's songs, nick cave not so much, bob Dylan, just a cheeky hint"bent down to tie the laces of my shoes"
Rolling stones, sex sex sex but not maudlin sex, Beatles, not a slither