Old 03-21-2015, 02:34 AM   #1
flickervetigo
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Default awful hard to care

ometimes you're payin
sometimes you're playin
sometimes yu draw to a pair
sometimes you're shirkin
sometimes you're workin
sometimes you're not even there
and sometimes it's awful hard to care

sometimes you're lyin
sometimes you're spyin
sometimes you just do not dare
sometimes you're tryin
sometimes you're dyin
sometimes there's nothing to spare
and sometimes it's awful hard to care

.

ometimes you eat the bear
sometimes the bear eats you
sometimes you whine sometimes you cry
sometimes that's all you do

.

sometimes you're buyin
sometimes you're flyin
sometimes you hang in midair
sometimes you're winnin
sometimes lyou're losin
and sometimes it just isnt fair
and sometimes it's awful hard to care

sometimes it's awful damn hard to care
.

a couple things, here... this is an old song, but I couldn't remember the words except "sometimes it's awful hard to care"... seems like the old words were better...

if anyone has any ideas for improving the words, please post them so I can plug them in before I record this

I've got music, but if yu want to make your own music, do it

.
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Old 03-21-2015, 02:45 AM   #2
paulheu
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You might want to try Kompoz for this as it really is a more suitable platform.

My suggestion though .. too much of Sometimes..

example of first verse:

Sometimes you're payin, you're playin or draw to a pair
Sometimes you're shirkin, you're workin or not even there
Yes, sometimes it's awful (and so) hard to care

Has much better cadence IMO
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Old 03-21-2015, 03:20 AM   #3
flickervetigo
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Originally Posted by paulheu View Post
Has much better cadence IMO
I had a swing/shuffle rhythm in mind when I wrote it... the words seem to fit okay into a shuffle..

don't know about the repetition... i'll think about it, may have to junk the song, but i'll record it in that shuffle beat and you can see if it fits okay, and see if the repetition is too much to deal with

about posting at kompoz... I don't think you know what my intentions are so you don't really know what's suitable for me ... but thanks for the suggestion

as far as I can tell, somebody in my position cant do much... about all you can do is make a more-or-less token effort to make the song accessible... they've got a chance at soudcloud... if they're good enough, they'll survive...

if they're not good enough to survive... well... too bad

maybe I'm a musical darwinist

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Old 03-21-2015, 03:41 AM   #4
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this "exposure" business is kinda tricky, but I got kind of a bad attitude... my job, the way it feels, is to write the damn songs and make them accessible

you think, "well, for crying out loud, this thred has got a thousand views, so the song must be getting out"

but it isn't... if you divide the number of views by the number of posts, you find out that only ten or twelve people are paying any attention, maybe not even that many... and the ratio of soundcloud listens to thread views is even worse

.

the only hope anyone's got is to to write a killer song, one that's good enough to get people's attention and take on a life of its own... then, if lyou've made your songs accessible, people can go back through it and see if there's anything else that's salvageable

that's my theory, anyhow, so that's how I'm operating

.

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Old 03-21-2015, 11:03 PM   #5
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this self-promotion business is vicious...

you can get so bogged down in promoting yourself that you forget to focus on the songs and then you start cranking out trash... well, why not?

the big promotion machinery is so powerful --and there's so much talent working for it-- they can turn trash into gold... so what's the point of trying to write decent songs?

who knows? ...who cares?

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Old 03-22-2015, 05:12 AM   #6
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This may be too "and my dog died" and lacking sufficient cynicism for you but, WTF:

...... Sometimes it's awful damn hard to care...

But all the time when I'm Layin' alone
It's awful damn hard when you're not there.
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Old 03-22-2015, 10:36 AM   #7
Dream Of Sleeping
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I thought the lyrics were crap. It's "sometimes" followed by a rhyme. If the tune is a killer tune then it won't matter of course, and they might work great. But they don't read all that well.
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Old 03-22-2015, 11:15 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dream Of Sleeping View Post
I thought the lyrics were crap...
agreed

@ reapermadness...

we're running into a "person" problem with your lines... your lines are so personal they should stay in first person...

the rest of the song is in second person, which is where it belongs, I think, because the song is about "you", not "me"

see what I mean?
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Old 03-22-2015, 11:25 AM   #9
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Just thinking 'ironic twist' at song's conclusion.

But none of this matters, anyway, if you already think "the lyrics are crap."
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Old 03-22-2015, 11:34 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ReaperMadness View Post
But none of this matters, anyway, if you already think "the lyrics are crap."
well, they are crap by REAPER Music/Collaboration Discussion standards...

they're too simple, not nearly enough complicated sensitive male navel gazing

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Old 11-19-2015, 06:55 AM   #11
flickervetigo
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any suggestions for word changes before I record this?
sometimes you're workin
sometimes you're lurkin
sometimes you're not even there
sometimes yyou're certain
sometimes you're hurtin
sometimes you're in for repair
and sometimes it's awful hard to care


sometimes you're buyin
sometimes you're flyin
sometimes you hang in midair
sometimes you're lyin
sometimes denyin
sometimes you dont have a prayer
and sometines it's awful hard to care


sometimes you eat the bear
sometimes the bear eats you
sometimes you whine
sometimes you cry
sometimes that's all you do
sometimes that's all you do


sometimes you're payin
sometimes you're playin
sometimes you raise on a pair
sometimes it's mayhem
sometimes a haven
sometimes i wish you were there
and sometimes it's awful hard to care


sometimes it's awful damn hard to care
.

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Old 11-19-2015, 07:10 AM   #12
morgon
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Quote:
Originally Posted by flickervetigo View Post
...the only hope anyone's got is to to write a killer song, one that's good enough to get people's attention and take on a life of its own... then, if lyou've made your songs accessible, people can go back through it and see if there's anything else that's salvageable

that's my theory, anyhow, so that's how I'm operating

.
Well they say even a bad plan is better than no plan... not thats its a bad plan so it must be good...

Who knows, maybe much of that over-clichéd pop stuff will disappear and make some extra room when absolutely everyone knows how to do it but couldn't be bothered, there should be a codified stamp on over-clichéd records imo ie-CRAP [Clichéd Record Autotune Production] or something
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Old 11-19-2015, 07:20 AM   #13
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well, now...

you've found me out

I'm a computer programmed by a team of game theorists, political kommissars and industrial psychologists

.
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Old 11-19-2015, 07:31 AM   #14
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I'm reminded of a lecture I once heard about song writing. The dude giving the lecture said that people can only process one thing at a time. So in the part of a song where you are trying to get a story across in the lyrics, keep the melody simple and constant. If you are writing a section where melody and arrangement are important and complicated, don't try to tell a story, because the listener can't attend to both. So maybe this means that you are going to work the melody and arrangement hard in this song. Or maybe the guy was full of it.

My guess is that the lyrics could work if the if the focus is on a clever melody, phrasing, rhythm,chord structure, etc. Maybe the repetition will free you up to do things you wouldn't ordinarily do musically. I say try it and then decide.
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Old 11-19-2015, 07:42 AM   #15
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the original song seemed to work okay... it was written in '77 or '78... but I cant remember the original words, which seemed, in memory, to be more ambiguous, more mysterious

I did remember the hook and the tune, though, which seems to mean there's "something there"...

...which is what a girlfriend used to say when she was looking at a horse she didn't like... "there's nothing there", she'd say

.

once I post the song, maybe you could tell me what you think again

.

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Old 11-19-2015, 09:13 AM   #16
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girls and their horses... you got to be very careful when you're thinking about that

in this video, the horses are the only people with any sense...



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